Funny Poems for Seniors

Senior couple laughing

Getting older may not be easy, but some funny poems about being a senior citizen can help you find some humor in the situation. Maybe a few of these original poems will give you a giggle you'll want to share with your friends.

Funny Poems About Life as a Senior

Take an entertaining look at daily senior life.

The Old Geezers Club Pledge

By Kelly Roper

As a member of the Old Geezers Club, I pledge to:

Be crotchety to everyone I meet,
Tell everyone how much harder we had it "back in my day,"
Give the stink eye to anyone with Kool-Aid colored hair,
Watch Gran Torino at least once a week,
Smell like mentholated oil at all times,
Kick kids off my lawn and keep their balls,
Never drive over 25 miles per hour, even on the highway,
Wear a sweater even if it's 90 degrees outside,
Remind my son-in-law he's still not good enough for my daughter,
Sit on my porch, drink a beer, and judge everyone that passes by,
And shake my cane at my smart-mouthed grandkids.

This I do solemnly swear.

Grumpy old man shakes his cane and frowns

A Senility Poem

By Kelly Roper

I really hate to say it,
But my memory's starting to go.
I'm occasionally forgetting names,
And other things I used to know.

But maybe I can use this
To get out of things I don't want to do,
Like mowing the lawn and washing the car,
And scrubbing the toilet too!

And I won't have to talk to my mother-in-law
If I can't remember to call.
Her memory is even worse than mine,
So she probably won't miss me at all.

And as for paying my taxes,
Well that goes right out the door.
Who's gonna come after a senile senior
Whose fixed income leaves him poor?

Yes I can see some advantages
To this failing memory thing.
As long as I can still play golf
And it doesn't affect my swing.

And what about my weekly card game?
I just might forget that too,
So I'll just... wait... I'll... um...
What was I about to do?

You've Become a Senior Citizen When...

By Kelly Roper

You know you've become a senior citizen when:

You hear more from the AARP than your own family.
Your body makes more snaps, crackles, and pops than a bowl of Rice Krispies.
Instead of tasting the Skittles rainbow, you swallow a rainbow of medications every day.
Your refrigerator now contains more cans of Ensure than beer.
You can't remember where you left your car keys, but then remember you no longer own a car. And then you continue looking for those darn keys.
You confuse your pets' names with your kids' names.
You have the number of your local pharmacy on speed dial.
You recognize the person you're dating in an Old Masters painting at the art museum.
You think you just got the hang of video chatting only to realize you're watching an old insurance commercial with Alex Trebek.

prescription drugs with bottles

Amusing Poems About Senior Health

Let these poems help you find the funny in common senior health complaints and limitations.

BENGAY Poem

By Kelly Roper

Sung to the tune of The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel

Hello BENGAY my old friend.
You grease my joints and help them bend.
And even though you smell like strong menthol,
And waft around me as I walk the halls.
I'll gladly suffer wrinkled noses and fanning hands,
From my ancient friends.
They all can kiss...
My BENGAY.

Judgemental Dentures Haiku

By Kelly Roper

I watch my fake teeth
Swimming in a glass as they
Silently judge me.

set of dentures in a glass of water

This Is My Walker

By Kelly Roper

A parody of the Rifleman's Creed

This is my walker.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
I must cling to it as I walk through the nursing home.
My walker, without me, becomes a place to hang my clothes.
Without my walker, I will fall down. Really, no kidding.
I must use my walker carefully.
I must aim it true and walk straighter than my roommate
Who is trying to beat me to the crafts table.
I must get there first and grab all the beads and plastic lace before she does. I will.

Humorous Senior Poems About Death

So maybe death isn't a funny topic... or is it?

I Dreamt I Died and Went to Heaven

By Kelly Roper

I dreamt I died and went to heaven,
And the angels all gave me a nod,
Then I met my maker and realized it's true,
I really am older than God!

man with long grey hair

What My Obituary Will Say

By Kelly Roper

What I think my obituary will say:

Beloved by everyone,
Generous to a fault,
One of a kind,
Will be missed by all.

What my obituary will really say:

Annoying to everyone,
Stingiest person that ever lived,
Some kind of jerk,
Post-funeral celebration to be held at the union hall.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

By Kelly Roper

There's a light at the end of the tunnel
That's what I've heard everyone say.
And I know I'm supposed to go toward it,
But I'm being waved back the other way.

Something's gone terribly wrong here,
And the tunnel is getting quite hot.
Guess I took that grumpy old coot act too far,
So going to heaven I am not.

Light at the end of the tunnel

Don't Take Life Too Seriously

Life gives everyone challenges, especially as they grow older, so why not joke around a bit and look for the humor in each situation as it comes? Now that these poems have provided a little inspiration, take a crack at writing some silly senior poetry of your own.

Funny Poems for Seniors